To Be Least

I turned my back on God for many days. I committed sin and I knew it. My guilt seemed to force itself upon me until I abandoned daily reading of the Bible and prayer. The lie that God did not want me because of my grievous sin took hold in my heart. Ignoring God because of my sin did not help. It only pushed me further and further into the abyss of depression and longing for the love which I chose to abandon.

That is what has been going on in my life, if you were wondering. Normally I do not post things like that, and nor do I tell of struggles I go through daily. However, I feel the need to be transparent. Rather than hide the truth under a veil of perfection, I would want my readers to know what I go through. Hopefully, because of my example, others will also desire to be transparent with each other.

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Every Sunday thousands of people attend church services. Many of them are carrying masks of pretend righteousness that cover the sinful state of their souls. They worship God and take part in the services, but they have not gained forgiveness of God and their fellow brothers. James 5:16 say, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” It is essential that we, as Christians, confess our sins to each other for healing.

Instead of pretending that everything is perfect, let’s be truthful which each other, so that healing may follow.

I have found forgiveness from God for my backsliding, and I hope I will find forgiveness from my readers as well.

God bless you all.

How are the following statements similar?

Jesus loves me, the sky is blue and the grass is green. The correct answer is that they were all common knowledge throughout much of my life.

However, several days ago, I read John 3:16 where it says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Unlike all the other millions of times I read that verse, something touched my heart deeply. It reverberated within my soul, echoing without end.

Jesus, my Savior, loves me.

Of course, I have always understood this intellectually, but I never understood it in a personal way. So while I sat there, my mind repeated the thought just as if I never heard it before. I was a baby who discovered a whole new and amazing aspect of the world.

I discovered Jesus’ love.

How amazing is that? Jesus, the perfect Creator, actually loves a sick sinner like me. He loves not only me, but every human that ever walked the face of the earth.

Thank you, Jesus.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Listening to the music’s beat, I can hardly stop tapping to that jazz horn’s heat. The music is winding through my legs, and around my hands forcing them into rhythmic motion. This small enjoyment seeps joy into my dancing thoughts.

Thanks, God, for that great beat.

When resting in quiet woods, I shift my eyes to the surrounding scenery draped in beautiful tones of fall. Somewhere in the silent rustling, a wren cheerfully sings out his love song for the whole world to hear. The blue sky, floating above wisps of cloud, stares at me from his lofty height. I am speechless.

Thank you, Lord, for nature’s beauty.

I flip through pages of the news magazine. Scenes of terror and panic fly out towards me. Death and destruction follow close behind them in mad pursuit. Within its thin pages, a woman can be heard crying for her lost son. My eyes turn away from the horror that cries for my attention.

Thank you, Jesus, for personal peace amidst war.

Before I retire to my warm bed, Lord, there is something bigger than this world and its fleeting happiness to give thanks for. It is your love, Lord. You stood silently as whips gouged and nails pierced. You openly received God’s full wrath for all mankind’s sin.

Lord, I thank you for taking the torture I deserved.

What more can I say? Thank you.

As I slept a couple nights ago, I dreamed something that has since faded greatly from my memory. I can remember standing with some other people in a suburban neighborhood. Together, as we looked at the scene around us, a man appeared suddenly before our eyes. My mind told me that it was an angel, and I immediately began to praise God. Although I do not recall what I said, I strongly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. I can not put into words what I felt and experienced. It was all too beautiful.

At the time I did not realize that it was only a dream and after I awoke, I forgot everything. It was later, when I was sitting in my gym class when it all came back to me. I could see the man who appeared to be an angel and the feeling of awe came over me once again. Whether it was truly a vision from God, or just my mind’s creative powers, I do not know.

While the other boys ran about, I simply sat in thoughtful contemplation of these things which I did not understand. I knew that I had tasted something so much greater than this world, and I desired more of its unexplainable goodness. More specifically, I desired heaven.

So today, as I write down my thoughts, a verse from the scripture comes to my mind. The verse is from Revelations 21:1-4 and talks of when we will live with God in heaven.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

That picture is so beautiful, and yet words will never be able to describe the perfection of heaven. God’s love is so great. He has saved us from our sin and will soon dwell with us forever.

Thank you Lord.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. (Matthew 9:36)

For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (1 Peter 2:25)

It is so easy, as forgiven followers of Christ, to despise those in the world, and treat them as enemies to our God. This should not be. The unsaved are not angry wolves seeking to devour. They are lost sheep, so blind and deaf that they do not know the way back to the shepherd. We once were these lost, deaf and blind sheep. Praise be to God, the good shepherd, who found us when were lost in the darkness.

Praise be to God.

Yesterday night, as I sprawled upon my bed doing some mathematics, I couldn’t help but thinking about my walk as a Christian. I wanted the love and the passion I once had for Christ back. My fervor for Jesus, somehow caught in the normality of life, had slowly died down to a forgotten dream. My tired eyes had taken precedent over the daily reading of God’s Word, and my dreary mind was slowly conquering the desire for intimate prayer with my God.

I knew all of this was taking place, but I could not respond. Listening to the radio’s music through some headphones, the hope of returning to my formal love seemed to be retreating fast into the night. It was during those moments, when I was so desperate for change, that I tore of my headphones and whispered some precious words to God.

“Lord, I need to change. I want to have the love for you I once possessed. Please help me.”

My ears tuned to the world around me, hoping to hear an answer from God. Only the blaring music from the headphones could be heard. I listened to the lyrics and found the answer I was looking for.

I must surrender all to Jesus. Those words were sung back to me, and I knew that I had found what I was looking so intently for.

I found the spark that would continue to ignite the flame of passion in my heart.

I must surrender all.